As parents, we all want to help our children lay strong foundations for future success. We often hear about the importance of nurturing skills such as creativity, communication, collaboration, critical thinking, and confidence—essential traits to help children thrive in today’s world.
However, understanding exactly how to foster these abilities is not always straightforward. Research shows that even our best intentions can sometimes have the opposite effect if we’re not careful—especially when it comes to how we praise and celebrate our children’s efforts.
Surprisingly, giving praise isn’t as simple as it seems. Not all praise is equally beneficial. In fact, experts liken certain types of praise to healthy, nourishing food, while other types are more like junk food—seemingly satisfying in the moment, but ultimately unhelpful.
So, how do we celebrate our children’s efforts in a way that builds confidence, resilience, and motivation? Here are a few key guidelines:
1. Praise What They Can Control
Children should be praised for things that are within their control, such as their effort, attitude, and behaviour. For example, praise them for working hard on a task, persevering through a challenge, showing kindness, or thinking creatively to solve a problem.
This type of praise reinforces the idea that they have the power to make positive choices—and that their actions are recognised and valued.
In contrast, praising children for fixed traits like being "smart" or "talented" can be counterproductive. According to Dr Carol Dweck, a leading expert on motivation and development, when children are told they’re gifted or naturally intelligent, they may begin to fear failure. To avoid situations where they might not succeed easily, they shy away from challenges—believing that struggle implies they are no longer "special."
2. Be Sincere and Specific
The most meaningful praise is both genuine and specific. Look for real moments to celebrate your child’s efforts and describe exactly what impressed you. For example:
"I love this picture you drew—the bright colours are beautiful, and I can tell you worked hard to make the blue bird look like it's flying toward the sun!"
While toddlers may enjoy exaggerated praise, older children (typically from around four years old) start to detect insincerity. Over-the-top or unearned praise can lead them to feel misunderstood, manipulated, or even pitied—none of which builds true confidence.
3. Celebrate Personal Progress
It’s important to recognise your child’s personal growth, regardless of how they perform compared to others. When we focus on their individual achievements—whether they’ve mastered a new skill, overcome a fear, or reached a personal goal—we show that we value their development.
On the other hand, when children sense that adults are only interested in them winning or outperforming others, they may begin to prioritise success over enjoyment. Over time, this pressure can diminish their motivation and love for learning, especially when winning isn’t guaranteed.
Final Thoughts
By celebrating your child’s efforts in meaningful, intentional ways, you help them develop a growth mindset, resilience, and self-belief—skills that form a strong foundation for lifelong success.