Every child has a unique way of feeling loved, and understanding this can transform your relationship. This concept, often called a “love language,” refers to the different ways children give and receive love. While adults also have love languages, recognizing your child’s preferred way of feeling cherished can make parenting more intentional—and rewarding.
There are five main love languages in children:
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Words of Affirmation
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Quality Time
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Physical Touch
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Acts of Service
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Receiving Gifts
Although many kids may show traits from multiple love languages, usually one stands out as their favorite. Learning to identify it can help you communicate love in the way your child naturally responds to.
Words of Affirmation
Children who value words of affirmation thrive on encouragement, compliments, and verbal reassurance. They love hearing “I’m proud of you” and enjoy showing you their accomplishments, seeking your approval and praise.
Ways to speak this language:
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Give meaningful praise. Avoid vague phrases like “good job” and instead highlight exactly what your child did well.
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Leave little notes. Slip encouraging messages into lunchboxes or stick Post-It notes around their room.
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Say sorry when needed. Apologizing teaches respect and shows that love includes honesty.
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Whisper compliments. Talking about the good things your child did, even to a pet or stuffed toy, can make them feel proud and appreciated.
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Bedtime reflections. End the day by talking about positive moments and accomplishments, helping them drift off feeling loved and valued.
Quality Time
Children who speak the “quality time” language crave your undivided attention. This isn’t just being in the same room—they want engagement, eye contact, and interaction.
How to nurture quality time:
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Designate tech-free moments. Turn off phones, TVs, and other distractions during meals or playtime.
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Check in regularly. Even a quick smile or short play break while cooking or working shows your presence matters.
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One-on-one moments. Spending special time without siblings or distractions strengthens connection.
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Little attention snacks. Simple gestures like funny faces, quick hugs, or joining a game feed their need for connection.
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Let your child choose. Follow their lead sometimes, whether it’s a picnic, a building game, or a walk outdoors.
Physical Touch
For children whose love language is physical touch, affection through hugs, hand-holding, snuggles, or playful roughhousing is essential.
Ways to connect physically:
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Embrace playful touch. Tickles, pillow fights, and piggyback rides can mean as much as gentle hugs.
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Pamper moments. Brushing hair, giving mini massages, or cozying up with blankets create bonding moments.
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Snuggle storytime. Reading together in a comfy nook or on the sofa enhances emotional closeness.
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Daily touch rituals. Morning hugs, secret handshakes, and bedtime squeezes make affection a routine.
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Interactive games. Engaging in games that involve touch reinforces both fun and connection.
Acts of Service
Some children feel most loved when actions speak louder than words. Acts of service—helping them with tasks, chores, or daily routines—show care and attention.
Ways to show love through service:
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Team up on chores. Work together on age-appropriate tasks and celebrate their contributions.
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Lend a helping hand. Assisting them when time is tight demonstrates support without frustration.
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Include their favorites. Tailor meals or activities to their likes, showing you’ve thought about their happiness.
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Do kindness together. Plan small acts of generosity as a family to teach empathy while spending time together.
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Express appreciation. When your child helps with chores or other tasks, acknowledge their effort to reinforce positive feelings.
Receiving Gifts
Some kids feel love most tangibly through thoughtful presents. For them, it’s not about the cost—it’s about the thought and attention behind the gesture.
Ways to nurture this language:
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Use charts or tokens. Stickers, stars, or small rewards for accomplishments provide concrete acknowledgment.
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Display their gifts. Showcasing items they’ve made or received makes them feel proud and valued.
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Create personalized gifts. Homemade crafts, notes, or small surprises remind them of your attention.
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Turn experiences into gifts. Give clues or little items related to a shared outing or special day.
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Keep small surprises on hand. Simple, inexpensive treasures can brighten their day when needed.
The Bottom Line
Every child benefits from all forms of love, regardless of their primary language. They need frequent reminders that they are cherished, special time with you, hugs and snuggles, guidance, and yes—occasional thoughtful gifts. Understanding and using your child’s love language helps them feel safe, valued, and deeply connected to you.